once again, we're plugging along doing the daily tasks of boiler room work and we realize that there aren't enough funds in the account to do payroll.
my immediate response, if i'm honest, is not what i would like to be able to tell you it is. that is to say, i do not immediately say, "bless God. thank you for this opportunity to trust you even more!" and then carry on with carefree abandon. i worry. i calculate. i brainstorm solutions. i start to remember who might owe us money. i get a little resentful. i feel like quitting. i try to scheme ways to make more money.
that's rather embarrassing, isn't it? but i'm telling you because maybe you can relate. and maybe what you and i need to be reminded of is not that those are -- obviously -- "wrong" reactions, but that Father knows and sees it all and isn't shocked or dismayed. and, furthermore, His gracious response to us is not dependent on our emotional perfectionism in response to life's curve balls.
He is kind because it's His nature. He provides because He is a good Father.
so while i was sitting here today beginning to wring my hands together while trying to pretend that i was keeping my cool, i started to do some calculations. my process went something like this:
ok, we're only getting about 50% of our paycheck this time, so what is 50% of the usual amount? add that to what i will earn doing photo work...
wait a minute, that number i recorded in our budgeting software as the amount we were paid last time doesn't look quite right.
oh, it's a few hundred less than what it should be.
ah! that's because i switched around the middle two digits of the number.
looking back to the pay period before that one.... i did it there, too...
so that means that i thought we had $_00 less than we actually have. i didn't spend that money because the budget software didn't think we had it!
wait.... so we have $_00 to carry over into December... and that number is just a touch higher than that which will be missing from our next paycheck amount...
[laughing aloud, alone at my computer]: God! you are hilarious! you are so funny! that is so awesome! you just made me save all that money without knowing it because you knew we would need it!
so in spite of myself, my incredibly gracious God has answered my worried prayers. He created an administrative error and left me blinded to it so that now we are suddenly actually quite well provided for. such an unexpected avenue of provision, the switching of digits. twice.
this is for you, too, friends. He is so kind. pray emboldened by this testimony for those places where you are in need, and wait for Him to answer you. just know that it might be unexpected and rather creative. all glory to Him.